Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
