I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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