I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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