I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
