the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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