Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize