Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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