there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
