i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
