I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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