OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
