I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
