he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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