Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
