Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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