She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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