you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
