wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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