i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
