I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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