Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
