just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
