is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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