I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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