I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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