Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
