69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
