new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize