I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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