she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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