the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
