I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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