he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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