you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
