you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
