I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
