I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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