remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
