i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
