he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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