hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
