pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
