This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
