so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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