Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
