I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
