I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
