I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
