I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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