i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He shit in the fireplace
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
