She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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