i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize