ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
