Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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