So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
