I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We left the knife in your bed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
