I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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