All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
