Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Even my vagina gasped.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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