He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Barsexuality is the new black.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
