Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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