just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
