I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
