Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize