apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
