every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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