Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
