I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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