Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize