good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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