Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
