So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
