it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
