we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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