woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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