is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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