Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
