Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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