well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
