Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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