he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
