Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Randomize
