On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
