I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
