He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
