let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
