Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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