I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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