there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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