I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
