My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did I show you my penis last night?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize