Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
