Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My first STD was from a foam party
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
