You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
