woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
