I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
