i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize