Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
