glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
