If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize