Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
