Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
