My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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