I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
