So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
