I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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